“Wake up! You’re the next interesting speaker!”
“I’ve become a more effective teacher with ‘distance learning’.”
“Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?”
“You can’t just give a regular lecture. You have to use pyrotechnics.”
“I wonder if he ever wrote that letter of recommendation.”
“I’m having recurrent dreams where I forget to prepare the exam.”
“The position requires excellent communication skills. We’ll e-mail our decision.”
Nanosecond After Graduation
“Here. We promised you a big lab.”
“Switch with me. I need to get into medical school.”
“You’re the one who killed the school’s computer system?”
Graduate students at work
Wrong Class
“…and do you take Jane, knowing it’s gonna be hell for some university to hire you both?”
“How are you at teaching math, art, music, horticulture, nursing, creative writing and biology?”
“Sorry, I had to pull you over, Professor. Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
“Don’t worry. You’ll just be giving an informal seminar.”
“I can’t solve for X. I have a fear of the unknown.”
“Tell me again why you need a PDA, DVD player and a GPS-cell phone to teach creative writing.”
“So, you accept the position if we let your dog be the mascot?”
“I’m dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate’s t-shirt.”
Books the Prof Ordered
“How do you expect to get anywhere in this college if you don’t read my blog?”
“The whole department is like that. They think they know everything.”
“Are you over your blog block yet?”
“Professor, wake up! It’s spring. Your grant is over!”
“Therefore, after sixteen years of education it takes only ONE millisecond for the alumni association to find you.”